Post-Election Negotiating Relationships
Many are wondering if pre-existing relationships are worth keeping, or even possible to keep, when so much of the differences they feel are rooted in their core values and morals.
In the United States, we’re currently experiencing the post-election, holiday season. A time with intense polarizations - political and value differences at the surface… darkness and nature slowing down among pressure to consume, plan, and be social… expectations for this to be the “most wonderful time of the year” - and maybe it is for you, which is also totally fine - while many folks are struggling emotionally, financially, and feeling uncertain of their safety.
So…yeah, you could say tensions are high.
Among these challenging topics and the conversations following, a particular conversation I’m hearing and having frequently right now with clients is one where folks are wondering what the future of certain relationships in their lives will look like.
While some folks are wanting to avoiding political conversations, others are carrying the weight of what the election may mean regarding their right to exist, to love, and to live their life with choice.
Many are wondering if pre-existing relationships are worth keeping, or even possible to keep, when so much of the differences they feel are rooted in their core values and morals.
I recently found a podcast that I think would be helpful to many who are struggling with these things, especially if the struggle is particular to family relationships. Calling Home by Whitney Goodman, LMFT has many episodes on these topics, and one that includes helpful exploration questions if you’re re-negotiating boundaries with family relationships after the election.
You might read through them one at a time, taking moments to pause, breathe, or journal your reflections.
Exploration Questions for Re-Negotiating Family Relationships Post-Election
How significant are your political differences?
Are the disagreements about fundamental values or specific policies?
Are these issues central to your identity or values?
Can I separate the person from their political beliefs, or does this fundamentally change how I see them?
How do these political views affect me personally?
Are their beliefs or behaviors harmful to me, my loved ones, or causes I deeply care about?
How do our political conversations make me feel during and after?
Do they express their views in ways that feel disrespectful or demeaning?
Can we set boundaries around political discussions, and/or can they respect said boundaries?
Is there mutual respect despite our differences?
Does this family member respect me and my views?
These questions are simply to prompt reflection, and to decide for yourself how you’d like to move forward.
No one can make this decision but you, and it’s okay to need more time to process it.
It’s also okay to need/reach out for support in processing this. Every family and every relationship is different - what may work for someone else may not feel like it fits for you.
You’re not alone, and you don’t have to process this alone. Reaching out to a therapist could be a safe and helpful space to identify how you feel, process, and choose what feels best for you.
