IFS & Self-Like Parts
Something happened in my IFS Level 2 training.
A huge part of IFS training is the experiential piece - we have to practice on each other, and we have to play the role of both the therapist and the client. It’s the best way to learn and receive immediate feedback; it also maintains the value of therapists working on their own “stuff”, which I love. In this round, I was the client.
I couldn’t tell you whatever topic I thought I had planned to work on, because the session went in a completely different direction. Very quickly, I had parts showing up that felt panic, overwhelm, and a lot of grief about what we were doing.
The person playing the role of the therapist handled it all with such compassion and groundedness, I felt safe through it all, and I trusted that he could handle what was coming up for me, despite my uncontrollable tears and discomfort.
We identified a part of me that I had known about to some degree, but had never really identified it as a part - it felt like me. This brand new perspective on myself was a little startling, and it triggered some fear.
In exploring this, he at one point asked if this part knew who I was.
It was in that moment I realized no, I don’t think it does, which was why it was having such a strong reaction. It didn’t know me, or the skills I had now, to know that I would actually be okay.
I realized how much this part (and some other parts) had been functioning for me (instead of with me) throughout my life.
This was surprising to me because this particular part is overall extremely helpful, shares some of my values, and has received a lot of praise from others in my world for how it functions.
Introducing: Self-Like Parts.
Self-like parts are protector parts in a system that may have Self-like qualities, but they have a protective agenda like other protectors do, and/or act from a place of fear, and therefore aren’t actually Self Energy.
Self-like parts are often hard to detect at first because they’re often around so much that they don’t necessarily stand out.
They sometimes don’t present as “extreme” or “problematic” as some other parts might. They sometimes hold qualities of Self Energy as well, so identifying them can be tricky. Often, people will reflect on Self-like parts by saying they “feel like myself”.
A reminder that whether parts show up as “extreme”, “problematic”, “scary”, or “annoying”, there’s no such thing as a bad part.
IFS & Self-Like Parts
This part of me had been working so hard, so regularly, for such a long time in my life, that it’s something I thought was me.
You can imagine how much this shook things up for me, and caught me completely off guard.
This part is one who is responsible for a lot of my success in school and my career. It’s one that keeps me learning, and it’s always checking to make sure I’m doing okay.
Reflecting on times I now know this part was working extra hard, I know it was because I needed it to, and thank goodness it showed up for me - for real.
With this incredible realization, I’ve had other parts reacting with gratitude, softness, confusion, frustration, and a very loud one wanting to fix this problem, asking “okay, what am I supposed to do with this? How do I get this part to know me? How can I fix this?”
(If you’re a client of mine, you probably know we would first acknowledge & work with the part that wants to fix - isn’t IFS fun?!😊)
If you have similar parts wondering those questions, I’m sad to say I don’t have a satisfying answer or “fix” for them.
Instead, it’s all just information. Staying in Self Energy with all of these parts means holding space for all of them to exist with their feelings and reactions.
Staying in Self Energy allows us to get to know our parts more deeply, allowing them to be heard and seen, and then safely guide us where we need to go.
Pause, and notice what’s coming up for you.
What’s showing up in your body?
What parts of you have had reactions or questions as you’ve been reading this?
As a trauma therapist, it’s such a gift to witness clients getting to know their own parts and systems. If you feel called to this type of work, take a look around my site for more information. Your parts deserve to be safely seen and heard.
